This page is for poetry…my own poetry…when I am awake enough to catch it! I have let many slip away over the years. This page is my net for catching them now!
Hunger Without A Name
There is this hunger I have lately. It’s here making itself known in every moment like an intrusive visitor. When I pay attention, draw it close and tune in, it intensifies, ravenous, raw and burning as if I have not eaten for days or even lifetimes. (more…)
I Want To Know
What does happiness look like?
I want to know
Does the sun always shine bright behind the clouds?
What is behind the darkness that has settled over my heart?
Is it temporary too…as they say all things are?
What is temporary?
I want to know
Is temporary measured in hours or days or years or seasons?
Is it constant? Does it come and go as it pleases?
When and how will I know?
How will I know?
When the waiting is done?
When it’s time to dream again?
When I peel off a layer, that another one will not make itself known?
How will I know?
When what I thought I knew, is no longer true
When truth takes on many faces,
And I haven’t a clue,
On just who to be or what to do?
What will I do?
When the “I” that thought it knew itself
Reflects back another “I” and another “I”
And a thousand parts that make the whole,
Reflect back me that is also you!
Forgotten Dreams
A little poem about forgotten dreams. I am juggling about 4 posts right now that just don’t feel like they want to get posted!!! So while I wait for them to be ready, here’s a quick little poem I penned today! I seem to be meeting a lot of people these days that resonate with this message? How did we forget what we came here for? How did guilt and his friends move in and take over our dreams, our hopes and end up cajoling us to settle for what’s safe?
Is there anything in your life that you settled for instead of going all the way?
Consider this poem a little teaser or a small token…for making you and me wait for Part VII of the when I grow up series…it is on its way! I promise!!
If you came home one day to find guilt living in your home
Wearing your clothes,
Sleeping in your bed,
Pretending to live your life,
What are you to do?
Who let guilt in when the doors were all shut?
Who opened the doors?
Who made the cracks on the walls?
Who made you turn away from the truth that you once knew?
Guilt is what robs you of sleep,
Sprinkles fear dust when you dream,
Reminds you of the bills that need to be paid,
Shows you the homeless guy on the street,
Ties you up in doubt till you beg for mercy,
Please no more…there is no need!
I give in!
I will turn in my dreams,
To stand on solid ground,
For the bills need to get paid.
And the world… is just mean!
Let me forget me,
The castles, the hopes, silent pleas
All the people and things
I could have been
We need bread to eat
Solid ground to sweep
What remains of the bitter crumbs,
Of the life we just never got to meet!
Find Awareness – Quick!
More of my musings about awareness! It’s here! In this very moment…as we notice our breath, the pause between the breath….a whole universe of now, just waiting to be discovered. Unaware, unnoticed it slips out of sight…gone forever! Only to be replaced by another irreplaceable “now”! All portals to the here and now…the place where much of the world has chosen not to be.
Picture is from one of my favourite places…the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY…taken this summer at a Mindfulness retreat. A labyrinth into or out of now…into or out of ourself?
We don’t know that we’ve lost it,
Won’t know until we find it!
Find it!
Quick!
This thing called Awareness,
It’s precious, subtle, scared and soft.
Trust it, love it, worship it and keep it safe!
Make it your friend! (more…)
I Am On A Speeding Bullet Train!
The inspiration and all the words for this poem came a few days ago. I quickly scribbled it down and then didn’t have a chance to look at it again till today. I am continually in awe of surrendering to this creative process and what seems to come out through me because sometimes like in the case of this poem, I look at it and think, “I didn’t write this!” (more…)
Letting go of “GOD” the word!
I want to share how this poem came to me with the intent of honoring the flow of creativity. I recognize it when its there and when it’s not…yet trying to invoke it or find it…I have yet to decipher that complicated formula. So this poem, came to me in the early hours of the morning …I had just finished writing another piece and knew that I needed to get to sleep! Two energetic kids would be jumping on my bed in a matter of hour or two and just as I was putting my head on my pillow, I felt the urge to write these words…“Even the word “God” seems irreverent somehow.” I stayed in bed for a few moments and then more words and an urgency to write it down before I lost it forever!
I wish someone had taught me to honor creativity when I was a little girl…before I learnt to fade out the yearning and the longing to create! I am grateful to have a 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th and many more chances to discover it again. It’s reminds me of Rumi’s invitation in his poem, “Come, come whoever you are…” You can read more of it here. I believe that we all have this invitation without an expiry date to keep coming back to our love no matter how many times we have given up… on our dreams, our lives and our selves.
I write all this down to share and also to help me remember when I look back. In terms of the poem itself…it took on a life of its own once I started listening…it’s roots though lead back to a conversation with a dear friend and teacher who continues to help me in my work to see clearly! Thank you!
That which I called God
Is neither male or female
Black, white, brown or pigeon
Labels mean nothing to me
Even the word “God”
Seems irreverent somehow
When It is the reason that one life form can kill another
When some dominate
And forget the earth our mother
How can a word that points to something and everything
Also leave trails of blood and terror
Throughout centuries past and present
How could such a word mean love
When it also vibrates and resonates in the truth of the opposite?
I say,
Let’s scrap the word
Lets’ let go of “God” the word
It, he, she doesn’t care
Call it the sky, an ant, a pigeon
Anything but that word
Find instead, goodness everywhere!
And call it anything you want!
Don’t Teach Me Anything!
This poem caught my attention as I was sitting on the deck watching my children play this afternoon. It’s interesting that children don’t need instructions to play! Within a span of an hour, I saw my son ride his bicycle, ride his scooter, paint on some rocks and play golf! I am trying to remember this as we plan for the next school year that’s starting in a few weeks and all the “extra-curricular” activities that we have to pick from. I struggle like many parents in finding the balance between exposing my children to activities and classes that are enriching and fun to over scheduling them that they have no room to breathe! What I am starting to notice is that when I feel stress, my children feel stress. So our goal this year…this idea of play…will be a theme that carries us through all our decisions!
The title might sound a bit extreme…it is one my son was adamant about…so I am honoring his wisdom and letting it be just this way!
Don’t teach me anything!
I am not a soccer super star because you want
I am not a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, an astronomer
A basket ball icon, a pro golfer in the making
Not a pianist, a cello player, or a drummer
Because I am all of these things already
I didn`t come here to be moulded into a statue
A mirror of an unfinished you
I am all that I want to be already
I came here to re-member
This place, Is about playing, loving and living
A remembering of longing
Don’t worry about showing me the way
Follow me instead
Watch me, love me, accept me
I will help you re-member
The parts that you once lost
Watch me play
See what I am
Perfection in every realm
Follow me as I wander
Letting my heart, my soul lead the way
When you let me just be
When you clearly see
The glimmers of the soul
Reflecting in my eyes
When you see my heart dance
When you see me dance
Then you will see
I have found a part of me
I remember because,
I am re-membering
Becoming whole
This is my work
Why I came here
You are my helpers,
Escorts on my journey
I came too, to help you
See and gather the parts you forgot and left behind
In childhoods gone by
Where others tried to mould you
Into a statue
A living monument
To mark the death of their longing
Meeting Death At The Door
In his poem, I wanted to recognize the invitation that has been sent to our family. We are fortunate to have been told ahead…death has made his announcement …he’s on his way! We have been invited to get ready, celebrate life, say our goodbyes to a family member who has had 96 years to live and learn and love in this temporary place we call home. When that moment comes, may she turn to the light confidently and find her way back to her real home!
I feel death knocking at the door
The raven knows whose turn it is to go
Or is it to come
Come back to home again
Listen
The trees, the wind, the grasses all know
When a life is born
And
When it returns back to the flow
Yet we could also know
If we cared to see
To hear
To feel
The subtle changes in the wind
The way her breath moves in an out
The way her smile leads with a trail of doubt
When the eyes long to be set free
When food and life have lost their taste
When her connections here seem to be misplaced
We can know the time is coming and prepare
Celebrate her life, rejoice, not despair
Or
We can send her away someplace else
Pretend that this life here will never end
Behind walls and curtains where others alike
Have been sent to hide death out of sight
Death laughs at our childish ways
There are no walls, no cells to keep him at bay
Birth and death…they know just how to play
One leads, the other follows and then they reverse
The Fight In The Car
I wrote this poem at a writing workshop last summer at one of my favorite places…the Omega Institute. My car for me is a safe place for battles …what other battlegrounds do you find yourself in?
Great battles are waged and most often lost.
In this space, there is no grace, mercy or winners, always loss
A spontaneous eruption at any moment may start
Better watch out, innocent bystander, no such chance!
“Why did you”, “How Could You”, “You Crazy Ass”
All famous lines in this great sermon and mass (more…)
Trauma is a Tyrant
Trauma is a tyrant
He has friends in all the right places
Guards, who are ready to attack
Trespassers on forbidden territory
Don’t mess with him
Don’t mess with them
Don’t go places you don’t belong
Don’t go digging filled in holes
Don’t go searching underneath rocks or stones
It’s not safe
Deep inside
The other side of these walls
If you are a good listener
Learnt to not to listen to your-self
You will heed this advice
And stay safe
Outside the lines
And
Waste away your life
But,
If you are brave
If you long to taste the possibilities
Of forgotten dreams
Or felt too long
A gnawing, a knowing, a nagging
Or longed to walk in bright sunny fields
Making daisy chains
Without pain
Then,
You will take down your masks,
Take off your armour
Lay down the swords
And go deep, deep into the unknown
And meet these creatures of terror
You will swallow their poison of fear
And
Spit it back in their faces
Transform,
Become the antidote
Which you will use
To find yourself once more
A Child’s Pain
I hear you
You hate me
Your voice haunts me
Taunts me
Incessant
I cannot escape
Drowning in sounds of insults
Permeate
To depths unknown
My body, my limbs, my cells
My soul
Shrivels
Shrinking in despair
Hearing the only language ever known
Despised, Disgraced
Scared to the core
Spewing anger to disguise the pain
Staying distant
Safe
Knees drawn tight
Rocking
In pain
Terrified of monsters
Known and unknown
No escaping
Little legs cannot run fast enough
Nowhere to run
No one to run to
No hope for the young and innocent
Precious little one
I love you
But you do not believe me
A Cloud Passed By
A cloud passed through as I sat today
I was just doing nothing when she came my way
She brought some tears as a gift to me
A gentle shower to set something free
Caught off guard, I wanted to think,
Analyze and configurize what it all meant
An then a wisdom set in and told me to stay
Not to hold on or try to figure it all away
So I stayed and let them flow
Freely they fell against my skin
And before I knew it, the visit was done
She didn’t stay long and that’s just fine
Perhaps she will visit again
Each visit makes me a better host!
Living Dread
To a thousand voices wailing songs of despair
Filled with dread and doom
I am gasping for air
Familiar this feeling I have felt
All these years my company they have kept
Life equals darkness
I am alone and scared
The void has sucked me in
I am the living dead
Not noticed that I have been missing
Body here and soul lost
Walking in lands where joy does not dance
Where sweet birds do not sing
And the sun’s brightest rays cannot be seen
Eyes so blind
Choosing darkness over seeing pain
Beauty and happiness cannot enter in
Doors closed tight long ago
To find the way back
I don’t know that I am lost
Until the lost knows it’s lost
Lost cannot be found
A thousand voices wail and cry
Wait
The winds are changing
Barely a whisper
A promise of love
Only I can give myself
Not before but now willing
I stop. I listen. I cry
Feeling treacherous pain
It hurts, It hurts
To be here
Emptiness dries my tears
Dread and despair blanket me with warmth
I rest in their embrace
Sleeping for the first time
Renewed
I surface
Still scared but with sparking glimmers of hope
Now within my reach
To see the beauty that has always been
Here
Now
My eyes willing to see
An Ex-Corporate Junkie Comes Clean!
A seeker, a searcher, a sojourner on a path into the vastly undiscovered, unknown territory that makes up me, myself and I. Somewhat of an understated yet sometimes aggressive smartass who had to get lost to discover that she was searching. An ex-corporate junkie who for a long time was clueless and blinded by the "bling" of everyday distractions to notice all the hooks, the hookers or the hooked, never mind the artificial highs and depressing lows. Am I clean now? Read more About Me and keep coming back ...I’ll come clean!
Stay In Touch!