When I Grow UP Part IV: Learning to Love and Live in Limbo!
Ok! So there you have it! If you read along so far expecting me to have it all figured out – sorry to disappoint, but I don’t. I am writing this live from the road remember…things are still in process and our work here is about learning to love the process...even if we have to start out with gritted teeth and clenched jaws and a stomach full of butterflies!
I am learning things along the way being “in process”. Like for example how challenging it is to give up socially acceptable labels that give you an identity and a pass to fit into the “normal people” club!
Read MoreWhen I Grow Up Part III: Dancing with Awareness & Acceptance!
We were never really taught attention in school were we?
Our parents and teachers likely “talked to” paying attention! They might have even screamed it into your ears if you were the really, really brilliantly creative kind of kid. The kind that takes a little bit longer than most to tune out their internal rhythm!
We can live through our delusions for quite a long time. We can forget our music, or that we ever danced or sang to begin with!
Read MoreWhen I Grow Up Part II: Forgetting How To Play!
In those days I ran around shoeless a lot! It was one of the few freedoms I knew!
I was a child…and children just needed to do what they’re told!
I grew up being plagued by these tenets! They haunted me during recess at school, on silent car rides home and times in between while I was busy forgetting how to play!
Read MoreWhen I Grow Up: Part 1
No one told me I could be a writer!
Or an artist, a creativity expert; a specialist in playing or an observer of internals worlds! In fact, no one told me that I could be anything I wanted to be in my own life. I don’t think we still explicitly tell our children that they own their life – do we?
Read MoreDon’t Teach Me Anything!
This poem caught my attention as I was sitting on the deck watching my children play this afternoon. It’s interesting that children don’t need instructions to play! Within a span of an hour, I saw my son ride his bicycle, ride his scooter, paint on some rocks and play golf! I am trying to remember this as we plan for the next school year that’s starting in a few weeks and all the “extra-curricular” activities that we have to pick from. I struggle like many parents in finding the balance between exposing my children to activities and classes that are enriching and fun to over scheduling them that they have no room to breathe! What I am starting to notice is that when I feel stress, my children feel stress. So our goal this year…this idea of play…will be a theme that carries us through all our decisions!
The title might sound a bit extreme…it is one my son was adamant about…so I am honoring his wisdom and letting it be just this way!
Don’t teach me anything!
I am not a soccer super star because you want
I am not a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, an astronomer
A basket ball icon, a pro golfer in the making
Not a pianist, a cello player, or a drummer
Because I am all of these things already
I didn`t come here to be moulded into a statue
A mirror of an unfinished you
I am all that I want to be already
I came here to re-member
This place, Is about playing, loving and living
A remembering of longing
Don’t worry about showing me the way
Follow me instead
Watch me, love me, accept me
I will help you re-member
The parts that you once lost
Watch me play
See what I am
Perfection in every realm
Follow me as I wander
Letting my heart, my soul lead the way
When you let me just be
When you clearly see
The glimmers of the soul
Reflecting in my eyes
When you see my heart dance
When you see me dance
Then you will see
I have found a part of me
I remember because,
I am re-membering
Becoming whole
This is my work
Why I came here
You are my helpers,
Escorts on my journey
I came too, to help you
See and gather the parts you forgot and left behind
In childhoods gone by
Where others tried to mould you
Into a statue
A living monument
To mark the death of their longing
It’s Just A Phone!
You were just a little boy…perhaps only 5 or 6 years old…a curious, precious, and careful child. You were the one that took care of your toys. Perhaps because there wasn’t too many that your parents could afford at that time. Your dinky cars! You wouldn’t throw them around and let nicks and scratches mark their their shiny bodies. These were real to you and once something was entrusted to you, you took care of it.
Like the way you take care of me!
Read MoreThe Fight In The Car
I wrote this poem at a writing workshop last summer at one of my favorite places…the Omega Institute. My car for me is a safe place for battles …what other battlegrounds do you find yourself in?
Great battles are waged and most often lost.
In this space, there is no grace, mercy or winners, always loss
A spontaneous eruption at any moment may start
Better watch out, innocent bystander, no such chance!
“Why did you”, “How Could You”, “You Crazy Ass”
All famous lines in this great sermon and mass
Frolicking In Regret!
I was getting ready to leave my kids for a week to attend a workshop/retreat of sorts and my mind was on a million other things that needed to get done. That being said, I was everywhere but where I most needed to be in those precious few moments I had with my children before our 7 day break. They wanted my attention. I grudgingly pretended to give it to them while trying to be in 10 different places physically and about a million different places in my “head” as I tried to get things “done”. Kids are smart and they soon figured out that mommy was no fun to be around tonight and slowly they drifted off to sleep sprawled across my bed in positions that resembled a lopsided Lego creation.
Read MoreBalance and Bicycles
I was helping my 5 year old ride on two wheels today and I found myself asking him often to find his balance. He has heard this from me a few times this week. “Find your balance sweetie, find your balance,” I hear myself repeat over and over. As if a 5 year old should know this already. It occurred to me moments later that he might not necessarily know what balance meant to be able to”find it”.
Read MoreAn Ex-Corporate Junkie Comes Clean!
A seeker, a searcher, a sojourner on a path into the vastly undiscovered, unknown territory that makes up me, myself and I. Somewhat of an understated yet sometimes aggressive smartass who had to get lost to discover that she was searching. An ex-corporate junkie who for a long time was clueless and blinded by the "bling" of everyday distractions to notice all the hooks, the hookers or the hooked, never mind the artificial highs and depressing lows. Am I clean now? Read more About Me and keep coming back ...I’ll come clean!
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