Being Seen and Coming Clean – About Me Part II
A First Step – Being seen
A Second Step – Coming Clean
Except, I sort of started this journey…of coming into the light in reverse order! Order is highly over rated anyway!
My real first steps on this journey were baby steps. There have been many more steps since then…to getting here and coming clean. First I had to stop doing everything! I have been a “doer” all my life! It was easier to keeping going then to stop…that was until life made me stop! There is a lot that happened between there and here! During this time, I started learning how to stop, how to rest, to block out parts of the world, learn to listen to the inner voices and especially to the internal wisdom of my body, to heal, accept and yes…even to play! This still continues to be my work!
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A Bit About Me
SO…
Writing about me is a bit tough. There are huge parts of me (some not yet even discovered) that rebel at the idea of being defined…even if it is me who is doing the defining. I have commitment issues! I know!
A formal description of me would go something like this…
A Self realized survivor of childhood, currently breaking through old and outdated beliefs, false and made up delusions about true happiness, joy and all the other mushy stuff fed to me by well meaning caregivers and OTHER not-so-well meaning “others” who will remain anonymous to protect those who still believe in delusions. A one-time reveller in the artificial joys, petty politics and self-lobbying to position yourself as a particular type of brand propaganda…
Actually I am not so formal. I can sometimes take myself a bit too seriously and I love to write with bullets every chance I get…like below:
- You might have guessed I am no longer in the corporate world. I enjoyed a healthy and enjoyable career being part of “that” world for the first 15 or so years of my professional life. I learnt many things about myself and others and the world during this time. The irony is that much of my understanding and growth and processing of this experience came after I left this world…more on this below!
- A teacher came knocking. I ignored her for a while but she persisted. Wouldn’t stop hollering until one day I had to pay attention. Oh yeah…her name was Ms. Malady. I won’t spare you with all the details of the particulars of the ailments that she brought as gifts right now. More on that later…
- I quickly found out that there are professions out there with good people who make it their business to put you in boxes and give you labels and pills with fancy names that I know is making a lot of other people rich. I refused to take them but more importantly I refused the labels…even some pretty interesting ones that promised me that I could take the next number of years “turned off”, lying on a couch in my living room pretending to get better.
- I have fantasies of running away from home and going to some Zen monastery somewhere that also has a secret passageway to a tropical island with a fiver star resort just in case I change my mind about the Zen thing! Did I mention that I have trouble committing …er…making up my mind …sometimes…
- I have two kids I adore who are my own little Zen masters who won’t have me going anywhere, anytime soon. You may come to hear of them as my own version of Disney’s Mulan and Mushu most of the time… unless I forget and just reveal their names. They can live in their bubble for a little bit longer and not be pulled into their mother’s rantings.
- I have a husband who I also adore…most of the time. Sometimes a few of my not so awakened characters take over and I am convinced he is oh SO NOT enlightened as me!
- In my healing journey shall we say…I discovered this thing called Mindfulness. So now I sit and attempt to meditate and my kids sit in a lotus position and tease me while they chant, “hmmmmmmmm.” Really, this thing I call my, “Practice” with a capital P has changed my life. Basically I am a lot nicer to be around, I smile more and I am learning to see more clearly although I still wear glasses…you know…the other kind of seeing. If you don’t get it, never mind and skip to the next bullet except I will often write about Mindfulness here because it changed my life etc. etc.
- I have this insane desire to be heard and known for all that is inside of me that wants to come out in words and thoughts and other crazy written things that sometimes I rush out of the shower to write down cause I know I will forget after I get out of the shower!
- BUT, since I am not quite as comfortable with this being seen and heard thing and recognize other parts of me who can imagine some friends sitting at Starbucks, reading my posts and laughing out loud that I would ever write such things while at the same time texting and tweeting the links to their million other friends…I will keep myself tucked behind this sassy looking logo. This is a temporary measure for I know one day the parts of me who DO want to be seen and heard will be stronger and louder than the parts that care about what other people think.
- I now believe that every encounter and experience we might label significant or insignificant makes us who we are and hold the potential for who we are becoming. My own life experiences, some of which were extremely painful have have left their own imprint on my soul. My work over the past number of years has been healing the hurt , and facing the inner demons with strength and courage. While this work of journeying inwards is anything but glamorous, my own experience continues to teach me that it is the ONLY way to freedom!
- Oh yeah! Some of the dark stuff you might see in my writing at times… is neither good nor bad. It’s just stuff that’s been buried for too long that needs to come out. Better out than in! I’ve just taken off the lid to create a bit of space…breathing room for everything dark, light and in-between to be there as long as it need to for I know…this too shall pass.
That’s it for now! I might add more later…
August 11, 2011 Update – See Post called Being Seen and Coming Clean – About Me Part II for this next part of my journey!
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An Ex-Corporate Junkie Comes Clean!
A seeker, a searcher, a sojourner on a path into the vastly undiscovered, unknown territory that makes up me, myself and I. Somewhat of an understated yet sometimes aggressive smartass who had to get lost to discover that she was searching. An ex-corporate junkie who for a long time was clueless and blinded by the "bling" of everyday distractions to notice all the hooks, the hookers or the hooked, never mind the artificial highs and depressing lows. Am I clean now? Read more About Me and keep coming back ...I’ll come clean!
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