When I Grow Up Part V – Embracing Process!

Yes, Yes, I know! I have been a bit remiss on posting this entire week!   It’s not that I didn’t want to write but rather that I couldn’t.  Didn’t have the energy to!  Some of you might remember that I started this 30 day yoga challenge a couple of weeks ago and for the first time in my life, I have found something that is physically stretching me beyond my comfort zone and I am finding myself sticking to it!  It has not been an easy week!  

I am into week three and the exhaustion started to settle in just about the two week mark. Every day I am aware that I have a choice to get up and go, and essentially bring myself back to the mat, or turn away and give in to exhaustion and excuses.  I have given in to excuses many times in the past with other forms of physical exercise but not this time.  So this new adventure has seriously cut into my writing time which is usually at night when everyone has gone to bed and the entire house is quiet. At night, I have space and time to listen and to write down what I hear.   With this whole yoga thing, 8pm and I am in bed…usually before the kids!

I am learning though, even through the exhaustion that these lessons seem to involve yet another round of learning to embrace “the process”.  There is process in everything that we do in life…our entire lives, our bodies are all constantly in process, constantly moving and changing even at the very cellular level.  Yet all too often we are unaware of this constant flow that connects us to everyone and everything.  Inviting the practice of yoga into my life has been all about turning “into” process.  It’s been about coming to each day’s practice anew and refraining from worrying about tomorrow and how am I going to do it etc. etc.  I am learning just to stay with today’s practice, minute by minute instead  of pressing the fast forward button that can so easily set my mind into the future and out into lands of worry,  fear and even dread.  Every day on the mat is a unique experience.  Every day I discover a different body that greets me.  Some days certain postures are more easy or difficult and other days it is my emotions that demand my attention and I feel like I can’t breathe through one more breath “in” or “out” before all of me crumbles emotionally and physically. It’s been interesting to pay attention to even all of this with some curiosity and kindness and abstain from judgment the volatile emotions, a less then flexible body, the busy and cluttered mind and anything else that wants to show up during that hour.

I am experiencing  as a yoga newbie what I am sure seasoned yogis know all too well – that the yoga mat has become my own personal mirror, reflecting back to me what is here in this moment calling for some attention. I am learning too, to let go of expectations of how my practice “should go” each day and what I “should be” able to do.  It’s only been about 3 weeks and physically I am already noticing changes.  While I am exhausted early on at night, I am getting the best sleep I’ve had in years, I have more energy during the day and I feel just slightly stronger every day…enough to keep me coming back.

What does all this have to do with the “When I Grow Up” series?  Everything really!  This current phase is about process, play and a whole lot of other things that will take more than one post to fill especially given that life seems to have taken a humorous twist with this yoga thing and although this direction was not where I thought I would go with the telling of these set of stories, I am learning to let the stories unfold and tell themselves.   So if you are “in process” in any part of your life,  maybe you too will be inspired to accept the invitation…and learn to make process your best friend!  It/he/she, however you want to address this energy of change is up to you….because fighting it, denying it isn’t going to get you or me very far!

On a lighter note, it’s been great fun for my kids to see their mom limping off to do yoga every day and come back home exhausted, dripping with sweat and sticking to it! It sends them a subtle message that I had been trying to impress upon them in less than subtle ways…to turn towards that which maybe difficult or challenging….that new song for piano class, the new and not so nice teacher, homework!  Seeing me face my own challenges and not given in and return back day in and out in this particular area seems to be driving home these messages of turning in, and tuning in much more than any verbal monologues that I might have given!

In the perfection and finished “product” driven society that we live in, it is not too often that w we recognize or celebrate the idea of embracing change, process,  and the in between places that we find ourselves in.  Yet every tree and every blade of grass and every cell in our bodies tells a different story.  We only need to turn in and tune it to hear the subtle music and the message.

One of my favourite books on “process” is actually a children’s book written by Peter Reynolds called “Ish”.  The story follows the journey and dreams of a little boy by the name of Ramon who aspires to be an artist.  We travel with him as he temporarily loses his way only to find it again but this time, with more clarity and a new found awareness that holds the pearl that is “process”.  He learns that he can paint “tree-ish” looking trees, and “house-ish” looking houses and “fish-ish” looking fish…you get the idea.  It is a simply written book with a profound message that we just can’t ever hear too many times!

I think all of us, including myself could  benefit from learning to  look at ourselves and the world  in a more “ish” kind of way…don’t you?  The world might look and feel a little bit more forgiving, a bit more tolerant and us – maybe a bit more kinder even to ourselves for all our perfections and imperfections…for we are all in process!

Here’s to all of us celebrating all of the ways we find ourselves flowing in this eternal soup that is our entire life!

To be continued in – When I Grow Up – Part VI!