Missing my kids and other insane stuff for those sane enough to notice!

So this is one of those blogs that started out as something and ended up as something…so I am putting it “out there” the way it is right now…what do I know? I am just the scribe!  Thanks to my friend R for the lovely picture of her and her daughter.  I saw it while I was in the “thick” of this post…you mirror so beautifully what took me an entire blog entry to get to…

The house is extremely quiet tonight!  Our kids are at their grandparents. They don’t often sleep over anywhere unless we are there with them and it’s fortunate for me that some of their closest friends happen to be friends of the family so it all works out for now!

For a few hours my husband and I enjoyed the quite…getting some long overdue curtains hung, spending time together, having dessert and coffee uninterrupted without having someone fight to squeeze into our chairs or climb on our backs or steal bites off our plates.  Now as we are getting ready for bed, the silence is starting to settle in and I miss my mischievous little rascals.  I hate to admit it, but I miss tripping over my son’s clothes that are usually left on the floor in my room, because he like me is just a little absent minded and is just wired that way! I miss the conspiring that goes on between the two of them about what excuse they can come up with to get us to agree to let them sleep on our bed for the night. I miss fighting with them to get my pillows back because according to them our pillows are more comfortable than theirs!

Who would have thought? They’ve only been gone a few hours and will be back tomorrow!  I notice a tiny bit of sadness peeking over at me from around the corner and staying true to my mindfulness practice, I don’t turn her away…although I am tempted to turn on the TV or pick up one the books that are waiting on my night table. Instead, I invite this good friend in to keep me company.  You are probably thinking that I am some kind of neurotic, over protective mother…and perhaps I am! These moments of stillness have and continue to provide me with few pearls of wisdom that keep me coming back; even when the calling comes from less than pleasant commanders.

In this moment I am again reminded of just how quickly time passes and of the impermanence of everything moment to moment.  Perhaps it was the conversation with my dad this evening when I found out that a politician I admire has been diagnosed with cancer and might not make it that triggered the blahs. Or maybe the conversation with my neighbour from earlier today where I witnessed her grief over her 12 year old daughter’s decision to not move to another city 4 hours away and live with her father instead…because she wants to be close to her friends! My daughter is now 8 and I am currently her favourite person to be with. This could change in a very short time!

My heart’s singing the blues and I join in the dance.  My mind takes over and takes me for a spin. Scenes from today and this weekend whizz by…I see many moments of fun times and I also see other moments of lost opportunities to engage, to play to be together that my husband and I let get away.  Perhaps everything seems more urgent to me because I lost my own mother before I had a chance to make up lost time with her.

I don’t think it matters what wakes us up.  It matters that we paid attention long enough to wake up! Speaking of waking up, my left brain is wide awake and taking notes on the comings and goings of these moody visitors. Its busy making plans of “things to do” with the kids.  Maybe they want to go to the splash pad, or I could arrange a play date or we could go to the park and play tennis, crafts, ice cream, treats…all great ideas right?

I don’t think so!  Following this neural pathway would have me sitting here again tomorrow. I could just reserve this spot on the left most corner of my bed…where I am right now as I write this – same place, same time, same feelings to keep me company!   There is a slightly alternate route.  It may not look or sound all that different to the above…but it is…take my word for it! I could start instead by “being” with my kids versus of jumping head first into “doing” with them. What’s the difference you wonder?  They are worlds apart!  One of my teachers used to say that “the being will lead me to the doing”!  This is not something you say to someone who has been the ultimate “doer” all her life!

For me “being” means that all of me shows up!  It does not mean that while I am with my kids at the park, I am thinking about the piles of laundry, making my shopping list, conducting a board meeting while checking messages on my iPhone!  It does mean that my awareness is at peace with the present moment without needing to be someplace else and all of me including my thoughts my feelings my entire physical body are tuned into the frequency of now!

And why is any of this important?  That’s a topic for another post!  For the moment I will say that this has nothing to do with NOT planning, or getting things done, or being productive or efficient.  Being in a state of “being” supports all of this and more in a more efficient kind of way!

So for the moment let me end off by saying that I am grateful for these pearls of wisdom and insight I referred to earlier…I feel blessed to be collecting a few.  They will worth their value in “life currency” when my monkeys return home tomorrow!