The Power and Prejudice in Our Stories

Posted by admin on Nov 26, 2011 in Mindfulness, Searching | 2 comments

I t is my 8 year old daughter that inspired this post.  The thought of writing about “our stories” has been on my list of post ideas (that are written on various post-it-notes and stored in a basket for a rainy day when I might just run out of ideas) for a while now, without me getting jazzed up to actually write it…until now that is!  I was driving my two mini Zen masters home from school last week, when my son saw a boy from his school walking home and made it a point to yell out to me, “MOM, that’s the boy in my school who is such a show off!”

Before I could glance over, my daughter pipes up in an exasperated way as only 8 year olds who are going on 25 can, and says to her brother, “That’s a real judgment and a label and plus you don’t know what his story is!” 

When I Grow Up Part VII: Excavating!

Posted by admin on Nov 22, 2011 in Mindfulness, Searching, When I Grow Up | 0 comments

Here it is!  It has taken a while coming.  The post it self has been written for ages but I needed to get comfortable sharing it.  Sit with the fears of what people might think…and befriend them also. It is the next step for me in reclaiming my own wholeness and embodying what I speak of or teach when I do workshops in Mindfulness.  We need to get comfortable with first of all learning to see all of ourselves…the parts that are hidden and most likely even outside of our own awareness for now. Eventually as we learn to see all of who we are, the acceptance will follow along and then we no longer need to hide anything to the world.  Our living our own truth with courage is inspiration enough!

What excavating have you done in your life?  What have you found? Send me your stories of courage!

“Encapsulated”!  This really is a great sounding word.  I heard it used last October when a reporter on CNN used it to describe the experience of the Chilean miners who were trapped underground for 69 days before being rescued.  Those of you who watched these events unfold will remember the care that was required in drilling a tunnel to reach the miners trapped more than 600 meters underground. Any false moves during this process could have resulted in a further disaster of the entire area perhaps collapsing on top of the trapped miners.  Excavation needed to happen carefully and precisely to prevent further damage.

I have found that it sort of works the same way when we are doing our own personal excavating of our own lives. 

Hunger Without A Name

Posted by admin on Nov 6, 2011 in Mindfulness, Poetry, Searching | 0 comments

There is this hunger I have lately. It’s here making itself known in every moment like an intrusive visitor.  When I pay attention, draw it close and tune in, it intensifies, ravenous, raw and burning as if I have not eaten for days or even lifetimes. 

I Want To Know

Posted by admin on Nov 5, 2011 in Poetry, Searching | 0 comments

What does happiness look like?
I want to know
Does the sun always shine bright behind the clouds?
What is behind the darkness that has settled over my heart?
Is it temporary too…as they say all things are?

What is temporary?
I want to know
Is temporary measured in hours or days or years or seasons?
Is it constant? Does it come and go as it pleases?
When and how will I know?

How will I know?
When the waiting is done?
When it’s time to dream again?
When I peel off a layer, that another one will not make itself known?

How will I know?
When what I thought I knew, is no longer true
When truth takes on many faces,
And I haven’t a clue,
On just who to be or what to do?

What will I do?
When the “I” that thought it knew itself
Reflects back another “I” and another “I”
And a thousand parts that make the whole,
Reflect back  me that is also you!

Forgotten Dreams

Posted by admin on Oct 13, 2011 in Mindfulness, Poetry, Searching | 0 comments

A little poem about forgotten dreams.  I am juggling about 4 posts right now that just don’t feel like they want to get posted!!! So while I wait for them to be ready, here’s a quick little poem I penned today!  I seem to be meeting a lot of people these days that resonate with this message?  How did we forget what we came here for?  How did guilt and his friends move in and take over our dreams, our hopes and end up cajoling us to settle for what’s safe?  

Is there anything in your life that you settled for instead of going all the way?  

Consider this poem a little teaser or a small token…for making you and me wait for Part VII of the when I grow up series…it is on its way! I promise!!

If you came home one day to find guilt living in your home
Wearing your clothes,
Sleeping in your bed,
Pretending to live your life,
What are you to do?

Who let guilt in when the doors were all shut?
Who opened the doors?
Who made the cracks on the walls?
Who made you turn away from the truth that you once knew?

Guilt is what robs you of sleep,
Sprinkles fear dust when you dream,
Reminds you of the bills that need to be paid,
Shows you the homeless guy on the street,
Ties you up in doubt till you beg for mercy,
Please no more…there is no need!

I give in!
I will turn in my dreams,
To stand on solid ground,
For the bills need to get paid.
And the world… is just mean!
Let me forget me,
The castles, the hopes, silent pleas
All the people  and things
I could have been

We need bread to eat
Solid ground to sweep
What remains of the bitter crumbs,
Of the life we just never got to meet!

When I Grow Up Part VI – Telling The Truth!

Posted by admin on Oct 9, 2011 in Creativity, Mindfulness, Searching, When I Grow Up | 0 comments

Writing the truth is much harder than I ever thought it would be!  It is much easier to face truth within the four walls of your therapist’s office or over coffee with your best friend.  Truth and I have even gone so far as to tolerate and lately enjoy each other’s company in moments of silence with ourselves.  Yet, writing the truth for the world to see and hear…this has been more than just slightly terrifying! 

Working With Rage!

Posted by admin on Oct 3, 2011 in Mindfulness, Searching | 0 comments

Yes…I cheated a little bit.  This post did not sit with me as being “complete” after I posted it a few days ago.  It just felt incomplete as if I was missing something.  I was missing something!  Read on…if you read it already…you’ll know what I added today…if not and you are seeing this for the first time…don’t worry about it and just enjoy!

Here`s something that surprised me about myself.  Yesterday I got triggered and I mean really triggered.  What was it that got triggered?  Quite simply – Rage!  Old, stored up rage!  

When I Grow Up Part V – Embracing Process!

Posted by admin on Sep 27, 2011 in Creativity, Mindfulness, Searching, When I Grow Up | 0 comments

Yes, Yes, I know! I have been a bit remiss on posting this entire week!   It’s not that I didn’t want to write but rather that I couldn’t.  Didn’t have the energy to!  Some of you might remember that I started this 30 day yoga challenge a couple of weeks ago and for the first time in my life, I have found something that is physically stretching me beyond my comfort zone and I am finding myself sticking to it!  It has not been an easy week!  

Find Awareness – Quick!

Posted by admin on Sep 17, 2011 in Mindfulness, Poetry, Searching | 0 comments

More of my musings about awareness!  It’s here! In this very moment…as we notice our breath, the pause between the breath….a whole universe of now, just waiting to be discovered.  Unaware, unnoticed it slips out of sight…gone forever! Only to be replaced by another irreplaceable “now”!  All portals to the here and now…the place where much of the world has chosen not to be. 

Picture is from one of my favourite places…the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY…taken this summer at a Mindfulness retreat.  A labyrinth into or out of now…into or out of ourself?

We don’t know that we’ve lost it,
Won’t know until we find it!
Find it!
Quick!

This thing called Awareness,
It’s precious, subtle, scared and soft.
Trust it, love it, worship it and keep it safe!
Make it your friend!  

I Am On A Speeding Bullet Train!

Posted by admin on Sep 15, 2011 in Mindfulness, Poetry | 0 comments

The inspiration and all the words for this poem came a few days ago. I quickly scribbled it down and then didn’t have a chance to look at it again till today.  I am continually in awe of surrendering to this creative process and what seems to come out through me because sometimes like in the case of this poem, I look at it and think, “I didn’t write this!”  

When I Grow UP Part IV: Learning to Love and Live in Limbo!

Posted by admin on Sep 13, 2011 in Mindfulness, Play, Searching, When I Grow Up | 0 comments

Ok! So there you have it!  If you read along so far expecting me to have it all figured out – sorry to disappoint, but I don’t.  I am writing this live from the road remember…things are still in process and our work here is about learning to love the process...even if we have to start out with gritted teeth and clenched jaws and a stomach full of butterflies!

I am learning things along the way being “in process”.   Like for example how challenging it is to give up socially acceptable labels that give you an identity and a pass to fit into the “normal people” club! 

Tree Pose, Balance & Compassion …Random Roads to Healing & Awareness

Posted by admin on Sep 9, 2011 in Mindfulness, Searching, When I Grow Up | 0 comments

Picture below…perhaps one view of the “elusive bridge” I refer to below…read on!  Picture is from a place in Denmark that caught my attention this summer…now I know why!

I had no intentions of writing tonight! I am actually trying to recover from a trying week of changes and am taking a bit of a break from writing part IV of the “When I Grow Up” series of posts.  More on that later!

The kids are back at school for another year and we are all adjusting to the new routine of a different way of life that comes with the freshness of a new season.  On this journey I am constantly learning to embrace change, and learning to make tiny adjustments to my way of looking at and being with myself, the people and situations in my life. In a way, it’s sort of like Mother Nature with her changing seasons … nudging us all to let go and embrace the new, as just a part of life…to welcome it no matter how much we may be attached to the way things “are” or “were”.

It’s just not my kids that have gone back to school. It seems that the curriculum that I have been enrolled in at the University of Life just stepped up things a notch or two! 

When I Grow Up Part III: Dancing with Awareness & Acceptance!

Posted by admin on Sep 4, 2011 in Creativity, Mindfulness, Play, Searching | 0 comments

We were never really taught attention in school were we?

Our parents and teachers likely “talked to” paying attention! They might have even screamed it into your ears if you were the really, really brilliantly creative kind of kid.  The kind that takes a little bit longer than most to tune out their internal rhythm!

We can live through our delusions for quite a long time.  We can forget our music, or that we ever danced or sang to begin with!  

When I Grow Up Part II: Forgetting How To Play!

Posted by admin on Aug 29, 2011 in Creativity, Mindfulness, Play, When I Grow Up | 2 comments

In those days I ran around shoeless a lot! It was one of the few freedoms I knew!

I was a child…and children just needed to do what they’re told!

I grew up being plagued by these tenets!  They haunted me during recess  at school, on silent car rides home and times in between while I was busy forgetting how to play!

When I Grow Up: Part 1

Posted by admin on Aug 27, 2011 in Creativity, Mindfulness, Play, When I Grow Up | 0 comments

No one told me I could be a writer!

Or an artist, a creativity expert; a specialist in playing or an observer of internals worlds!  In fact, no one told me that I could be anything I wanted to be in my own life.  I don’t think we still explicitly tell our children that they own their life – do we?